The following was written on October 17th, 2017 and has been in my drafts until now. Ironically enough, today the moon is in Pisces again / there are other era defining I wish I’d published this then so to see clearly a time/line that would navigate the fractal of my language then to the language I use now to delineate my experience.

This morning I woke up in a funk; I trudged through its density and under its weight until noontime. I then met up with a sister, and with her I burned some sage, held some clear quartz, shared some words, made and drank some jasmine tea. I grounded myself and then sat with my sadness. During the sitting, I was met with a revelation: these funks are not escaped or wished away, they are transmuted and ascended from; and they are only ascended from once I get clear on what I’d rather be experiencing. I must become clear and deliberately clothe myself with that clarity. Until I do so, I will be the screen upon which the people, systems, and entities around me project their realities — mess and all. Most people, systems, and entities in my surroundings don’t practice or employ clarity; they move about without boundaries or intention. This resulting reality — the one in which people’s projections sneak their way into my field and convince me they are the only reality available — is an illusory one. If I’m not careful, I become subject to their energies, burdens, and trajectories. I become the victim of their realities. This is where the funk takes root in my field and grows. It is not, however, the projections that invite in the funk; it is the lack of my own clarity about what I reality I want to experience, and the absence of boundaries and intentions that would support this clarity and construct this desired reality into being.

The moon and Chiron are currently in Pisces, and the Sun, Mercury, and Jupiter are in Scorpio, so intuition and emotions as explored through divination, channeling, and dreamwork are especially supported right now. I decided to remedy my emotional condition by channeling answers to the question, What reality do I want to reside and remain in?

the ritualistic / the sage burning / the sage smelling / the jasmine annointing / the stage walking / the stage standing / the stage, adorned / the stage, held and inhabited and drawn to life by me / the honey jar makin / the menstrual / the writing / the cursive / the writhing / the one with alice coltrane on vinyl / the one with a love supreme playing at constant crescendo / the one with the sound of tarot decks being shuffled / the one that smells of cornbread and collard greens / the one with oil painted flora / the one with jasmine tea steeping / the one that ain’t afraid to recall massa or the plantation or the tricks laid in order to escape both / the one that ain’t afraid of the chaos and darkness and thrash and haste / the one that looks like tired mothers laughing / the clandestine / the open / the hiatus / the reveal / the covert preparations / the overt operations / the books, stacked / the detroit red and the el hajj malik el shabazz / the solar / the autumnal / the wintry / the wintry / the wintry / the star following / the sky studying / the spell making / the herbal the tobacco sprinkling / the spliff rolling / the spliff smoking / the black women honoring / the morning praying / the nightly dreaming / the intuitive / but the mezcla / the intellectual / the mode that looks like square writing and Times New Roman typing / the butterfly squat / the erect spine / the annotating / the note taking / the neuronal focus / the somatic lurch toward the text, toward the implications, toward the embedded revelations, / the studious / the knowing / the showing / the speech giving / the imparting / the tau jaw / the writing / the writhing

The running theme in the channeled answer is one of action and velocity: something is moving, some sense is being activated, some experience is being arrived at/ I am writing, sage is burning, I am bravely recalling the plantation. Journey in Satchidananda is on vinyl, I am casting spells, I am smelling the cornbread in the oven and the collards atop the stove. I am experiencing only what I create. This envisioning isn’t too far off from my usual reality. I play Alice Coltrane when writing, I channel my past, I conjure my future. I create a framework and flow through it.

Despite my taking residency in these actions, I don’t always remain with them as they assume heightened trajectory and new form. Sometimes I deviate from the magic, the modality, the neuronal focus. My boundaries get confused; my intentions muddled. Suddenly I am the victim of other’s experiences. Chiron in Pisces is emblematic of this.

The action of answering was medicine for my mood, while actualizing these answers and programming them into my experience will be a much longer and meticulous process. I envision the product of this as me possessing a shield of sorts; one comprised of these elements and their results; a shield under which my soul can be immune to foreign projections and freely move, breathe, and be.