soundtrack for softening

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«he sees a certain purity/opulence in me that so many others have defiled. and for that i am both terrified and grateful.

i keep listening to NINA SIMONE sing FOUR WOMEN. i played it out loud while looking at photos of a plantation in Louisiana. slave quarters. barracks. large/gnarled trees nearing a century old, lining walkways up to the big house — and it all felt so familiar. I have sensed always how profound, how holy life is, but since beginning this period of my life, i am baptized once again in the intensity of this world.»

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talking earlier with friends about the arab slave trade. libya. lebanon. syria. 1000 years of bodies bartered. the united states moving into fascism. white science. tuskegee experiments and now ancestry dot com. the genetic market. palo mayombe. bones. blood. saturn transiting capricorn in our various houses — 8th and 4th, respectively. ancestors. bones. blood. police state. colonial state. the university being a statue of police state. colonial state. misa. ocha. misa. ocha. orion and stargate. melanin and chlorophyll. 90 degrees and 180 degrees and 360 degrees and dimensional shifts. but it’s also very mundane — smoking blunts, eating peas n rice, all the while NYPD stalkin the house down the block, this juxtaposed with that,